Love Friends

Love Friends
By Toni Coleman

She's your good friend. You have confided to each other about your latest love interest and turned to one another for support when the relationship(s) failed. You can't imagine life without your good friend.

You've felt jealous of her dates. You've been having very strong feelings of attraction and a desire for something more than friendship. You know you want to continue spending time together- more time. But it's getting hard. Do you start distancing yourself- hoping your feelings will go back to the way they were? Do you actually TALK directly and honestly with your friend about how you feel?

What will happen to the relationship if you make the WRONG choice?

Just as all people are unique, so are the characteristics of their relationships with others. There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this increasingly common dilemma. Ignore your feelings, keep your boundaries in check and pretend everything is status quo.

In order to choose this option, you must be able to deny your feelings so well that even you don't know what they are. In return for all this, you will still have your friend.

Begin to spend less time with your friend (crush) while seeking out new friendships to pursue and strengthen.

This option will most likely cause confusion and hurt on the part of your friend who will wonder what happened. Continue the relationship with your own hidden agendas - a desire for romantic intimacy and the hope that the person will realize that they feel the same way. Have an open and honest discussion with your friend regarding your new feelings for them.

Often what I hear from people in this position is that they fear "ruining the friendship" if they discuss their feelings honestly. It is emotional, not rational. Look again at the other options. Once your feelings have changed, so does the relationship. Ignoring them, hiding them or distancing yourself will lessen your closeness and the positive dynamics that flow between good friends.

It is also possible in choosing this option that you will learn that they have similar feelings for you that they were afraid to reveal. Therefore choosing this option could result in romance and a love relationship based on true friendship.Intimacy exists in all close relationships. Choosing wisely is about really knowing the options, the consequences they bring and what will be best for you and your friend.