Love Advice

How To Make Someone Love You Forever

By Christine Akiteng

You can't hurry love. Love doesn’t come easy. I personally don't believe any "Love Expert" can tell you with 100% certainty just how long it'll take for someone to fall in love.

There is no magic number of minutes, weeks, months or years for when people fall in love. The process of "falling in love" happens in stages for most of us (with the exception of the emotionally immature or unhealthy who fall in love with just about anyone -- and too quickly).

The first stage of falling in love is the one I just talked about above; one based on sexual chemistry. Keep in mind, "sexual" is not necessarily about "sex" but rather about the energy that drives sexual attraction. The second stage is when we realize just how unique and special the person is; and the third is when we have convinced ourselves that we're happier and more fulfilled with that person in our lives.

A majority of men stay far too long (and some even get stuck) in the first stage of falling in love, while women tend to merge stage two and three into one, making it look like women fall in love in only two stages.

Most people think it's when the person utters those three magic words "I love you", and then you know for sure they are in love.

I asked some of my clients to tell me when it is "they knew for sure" and here are some of their responses.

1. I knew when we started calling each other daily. But more than that, I could hear in her voice that I was the one she wanted to share all of her news with first.

2. We were talking about some areas where we felt amazingly apart. He looked at me and said, "I am so afraid that our relationship might not work out or go further. I don't want to lose you!"

3. When D left a few toiletries at my place, I had an "'a-ha" moment. At the time I didn't know where we stood, it was a simple signal to me that things were getting a little more serious.

4. I felt that she was out of my league. Four years later, we were hanging out together with some friends we both have known since our sophomore year. They started teasing us, said we always looked like a couple. She leaned over and kissed me on the lips. It was very passionate.

5. Every man who has ever loved me including my father abused and abandoned me. M. Goes to great lengths to reassure me that he will never leave me. And I believe him with all my heart.

6. We didn't have big agendas and neither one of us was in a rush to make our relationship go anywhere. We focused a lot on getting to know one another, spending time together and talking. It's kind of like when you open the door and you know you're home.

7. It was when he told me he had set aside space for my stuff in his closet. That told me that he was comfortable sharing his space with me.

8. Valentines Day. I asked her if there was anything that she wanted to say or wanted to hear that wasn't being said. She said, "I love you". I said, "I love you more".

Bottom line, there is no one-size-fits-all length of time for someone to fall in love. For the rest of us, you can’t hurry love. Love takes time.

Married Love

Married Love

By Belinda Rachman, Esq.

Let's start with an underlying assumption. Good relationships are not easy. When NBC did a story called Project Everlasting, they interviewed 200 couples that had been married at least 40 years and every single one of them said they had been through some rough times. So the road to love is not smooth. You can respect someone without loving him or her but you can't love someone without respecting him or her. Respect means not belittling their ideas. Which manner will result in having a powerful union?

The 2nd thing that is needed to create a strong relationship is the ability for each side to compromise. Resentments will build up if one person takes more than they give. But at the same time you shouldn't be playing goalkeeper by making sure everything is exactly 50/50. When both of you have an intention to be respectful of each other and to allow the other person to have their way half the time, the place you are coming from should just naturally create many satisfying results for each of you.

The 3rd thing you must have is open and honest communication. Most people are not mind readers and shouldn't be made to feel like they don't really know or love you unless they automatically understand what is going on with you. Give an emotional weather report. Don't wait for that one last straw that breaks the camels back to blow up. There are no victims when people take responsibility for their choices.

Peter Drucker, renowned management specialist, says that 60 percent of management problems result from faulty communication. Effective communication is based on knowing our thoughts, desires, motives and feelings - being honest with them and expressing them creatively.

Never fight and bicker over meaningless things like the best way to clean the sink or if the toilet paper rolls over or under. I am NOT saying to stuff what really bothers you but if leaving the toothpaste cap off bothers you that much, you need to toughen up.

It is very rare that a couple has the same needs at the same time. Expect to be traveling different paths at certain points. Throughout history martyrs are often killed.

Not knowing when your spouse is being 100% truthful really erodes the respect and remembers you can respect someone without loving them but you can't love someone without respecting them. OK, if she says, "Does this make me look fat?" and you feel like she won't change her clothes if you say yes, then you can lie but if you continually underestimate what you are spending on purchases or overestimate how much time you actually need to travel from work to home, after a while your spouse just isn't going to trust you.

You want someone you can trust to drive the getaway car and not rat you out to the cops if they are caught. If honesty is important between thieves, it should be to you too. You create your life through intention and action. I wish you good speed on your journey and know that you can create the relationship you intend.

Can You Find Your True Love Online?

Can You Find Your True Love Online?

By Lara Lee

The answer to the question "can you find your true love online" can vary from person to person. Various websites online claim to have hooked up several people, but the question is how many people have found their true "soul mates" online?

The problem to this answer is you can find quick blind dates, or profiles of several single people, online but do you really know them? What if you they are lying to you about serious stuff?

It is often difficult to keep in touch online, since you have to email back or wait for the other person to chat with you online.

I am not saying online dating is bad, but I am saying it should be done with extreme caution. Ask them things that matter to you, whether you are looking for a serious relationship or not etc. Make sure that the other person is not lying to you about his or her intentions, age, location, jobs, religion, etc. Many people have found online dating to be a fraud; people usually lie about their age, or stating exaggerated qualities about them.

A picture of a Ferrari as someone's display picture does not mean he or she has got one. Online dating is a convenient way to find singles in your area, but ever imagine if these people were so "cool" then why they didn't find someone online already? Watch out for stalkers, some online chatter might keep on emailing you or trying to find out about you. If you are not interested in someone online, tell him or her right away. Do not prolong any relationship which you know will not workout.

Simple Love Spells

Simple Love Spells
By Samantha Stevens

To prevent a lover from straying, light a green candle to St. Martha and ask her to keep him faithful to you.

Feed your lover a fig, with your initials carved lightly into it, to keep him or her faithful.

Select the following cards from a Tarot Deck - The King of Cups, the Queen of Cups, the Ace of Cups and the Lovers. Fan these cards around a pink candle and light it. Procure a lock of your lover's hair and twist it with a lock of your own in a clockwise direction nine times. Tie both ends with red thread and place in a safe place, such as a locket. To have him or her think or dream of you more often, anoint the corners of a photograph with orange and rose oil and place the photograph under your pillow.

To attract a new lover, light a red candle to St. Barbara and ask her to make you attractive to your soul mate.

Burn a pink candle, carved with both of your initials inside of your heart, along with the planetary symbol of Venus, to draw your lover to you.

Serving your spouse rhubarb pie on a full moon will keep him faithful.

Carry a rose quartz as a love talisman to draw love to you.

To find out how many more months a troubled relationship has left, cook some kidney beans. Count the beans on each plate. Wear copper jewelry, the favorite metal of Venus, to encourage loving vibrations around you.

To keep a man faithful, anoint his photograph with oil that has been soaked for three days in rosemary leaves. Rosemary assures the dominance of the female in the relationship.To encourage a proposal serve your lover a bowl filled with seven strawberries covered with cream.

Love Friends

Love Friends
By Toni Coleman

She's your good friend. You have confided to each other about your latest love interest and turned to one another for support when the relationship(s) failed. You can't imagine life without your good friend.

You've felt jealous of her dates. You've been having very strong feelings of attraction and a desire for something more than friendship. You know you want to continue spending time together- more time. But it's getting hard. Do you start distancing yourself- hoping your feelings will go back to the way they were? Do you actually TALK directly and honestly with your friend about how you feel?

What will happen to the relationship if you make the WRONG choice?

Just as all people are unique, so are the characteristics of their relationships with others. There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this increasingly common dilemma. Ignore your feelings, keep your boundaries in check and pretend everything is status quo.

In order to choose this option, you must be able to deny your feelings so well that even you don't know what they are. In return for all this, you will still have your friend.

Begin to spend less time with your friend (crush) while seeking out new friendships to pursue and strengthen.

This option will most likely cause confusion and hurt on the part of your friend who will wonder what happened. Continue the relationship with your own hidden agendas - a desire for romantic intimacy and the hope that the person will realize that they feel the same way. Have an open and honest discussion with your friend regarding your new feelings for them.

Often what I hear from people in this position is that they fear "ruining the friendship" if they discuss their feelings honestly. It is emotional, not rational. Look again at the other options. Once your feelings have changed, so does the relationship. Ignoring them, hiding them or distancing yourself will lessen your closeness and the positive dynamics that flow between good friends.

It is also possible in choosing this option that you will learn that they have similar feelings for you that they were afraid to reveal. Therefore choosing this option could result in romance and a love relationship based on true friendship.Intimacy exists in all close relationships. Choosing wisely is about really knowing the options, the consequences they bring and what will be best for you and your friend.

Future Love

Future Love

Varsity Fanclub

Hmm..
Yeah
Uh oooh
Hey yeah

A couple of years and I'm gonna know your name
It's like I waited for you forever,
And I know this might sound insane
But it won't be long, 'til we're gonna take this up
What I'm talking about is our future love

You're so far away, maybe you're right next door
Got me picturing your face again
Something worth waiting for
I put all others behind me, they don't live up
I know what I want, what I need to the T
(I know your my fate, you were made just for me)

Chorus:
Baby if they ask me
I would say: I don't even know your name
And when they ask me
Does it change?
No, it don't change a thing
'Cause it's something about the way you love
And it's something about the way you'll know me
That I can't explain enough
There's just something about our future love, future love, future love
There's just something about a future love, future love, future love

Walking hand in hand, going in a second date
I can picture what you're wearing
And a kiss I can almost taste
Thought of all the ways we meet for the very first time
I can see the place; feel the love, first sight

Chorus:
Baby if they ask me
I would say: I don't even know your name
And when they ask me
Does it change?
No, it don't change a thing
'Cause it's something about the way you love
And it's something about the way you'll know me
That I can't explain enough
There's just something about our future love, future love, future love
There's just something about a future love, future love, future love

I know, the minute you pull up next to me
We standing there like destiny
When it feels like you're fighting just to breathe
That's when you know
The minute I pull up next to you
Suddenly you don't know what to do
Everything inside you says that I'm the one

Chorus:
Baby if they ask me
I would say: I don't even know your name
And when they ask me
Does it change?
No, it don't change a thing
'Cause it's something about the way you love
And it's something about the way you'll know me
That I can't explain enough

Baby if they ask me
I would say: I don't even know your name
And when they ask me
Does it change?
No, it don't change a thing
'Cause it's something about the way you love
And it's something about the way you'll know me
That I can't explain enough
There's just something about our future love, future love, future love
There's just something about a future love, future love, future love
There's just something about our future love, future love, future love
There's just something about a future love, future love, future love

Future love, yeahUh ohohoh

Stages of Courtly Love

Stages of Courtly Love

(Adapted from Barbara Tuchman)

Attraction to the lady, usually via eyes/glance

Worship of the lady from afar

Declaration of passionate devotion

Virtuous rejection by the lady

Renewed wooing with oaths of virtue and eternal fealty

Moans of approaching death from unsatisfied desire (and other physical manifestations of lovesickness)

Heroic deeds of valor which win the lady's heart

Consummation of the secret love Endless adventures and subterfuges avoiding detection

Altruism Psychology

Altruism Psychology
From Wikipedia

Psychological egoism can be accused of using circular logic. For instance, an egoist would not disagree with the following syllogism: "If a person has willingly performed an act, then he/she has manifested such intent in the form of that act. Fulfillment of one's desires is the primary requisite of satisfaction. Ergo, a person can only willingly perform acts that result in his/her personal enjoyment." This logic is sometimes viewed as circular or presumptuous. Specifically, egoism leans on the assumption that satisfaction is synonymous with self-satisfaction. Such a precept automatically sidesteps counterpoint, however, and remains unfalsifiable. Thus, until empirical evidence favors one view or the other, egoism must acquiesce to uncertainty.

Humans are not exclusively altruistic towards family members, previous co-operators or potential future allies, but can be altruistic towards people they don't know and will never meet. For example, some humans donate to international charities and volunteer their time to help society's less fortunate. It can however be argued that an individual would contribute to a charity to gain respect or stature within his/her own community.Beginning with an understanding that rational human beings benefit from living in a benign universe, logically it follows that particular human beings may gain substantial emotional satisfaction from acts which they perceive to make the world a better place.