Love Advice

How To Make Someone Love You Forever

By Christine Akiteng

You can't hurry love. Love doesn’t come easy. I personally don't believe any "Love Expert" can tell you with 100% certainty just how long it'll take for someone to fall in love.

There is no magic number of minutes, weeks, months or years for when people fall in love. The process of "falling in love" happens in stages for most of us (with the exception of the emotionally immature or unhealthy who fall in love with just about anyone -- and too quickly).

The first stage of falling in love is the one I just talked about above; one based on sexual chemistry. Keep in mind, "sexual" is not necessarily about "sex" but rather about the energy that drives sexual attraction. The second stage is when we realize just how unique and special the person is; and the third is when we have convinced ourselves that we're happier and more fulfilled with that person in our lives.

A majority of men stay far too long (and some even get stuck) in the first stage of falling in love, while women tend to merge stage two and three into one, making it look like women fall in love in only two stages.

Most people think it's when the person utters those three magic words "I love you", and then you know for sure they are in love.

I asked some of my clients to tell me when it is "they knew for sure" and here are some of their responses.

1. I knew when we started calling each other daily. But more than that, I could hear in her voice that I was the one she wanted to share all of her news with first.

2. We were talking about some areas where we felt amazingly apart. He looked at me and said, "I am so afraid that our relationship might not work out or go further. I don't want to lose you!"

3. When D left a few toiletries at my place, I had an "'a-ha" moment. At the time I didn't know where we stood, it was a simple signal to me that things were getting a little more serious.

4. I felt that she was out of my league. Four years later, we were hanging out together with some friends we both have known since our sophomore year. They started teasing us, said we always looked like a couple. She leaned over and kissed me on the lips. It was very passionate.

5. Every man who has ever loved me including my father abused and abandoned me. M. Goes to great lengths to reassure me that he will never leave me. And I believe him with all my heart.

6. We didn't have big agendas and neither one of us was in a rush to make our relationship go anywhere. We focused a lot on getting to know one another, spending time together and talking. It's kind of like when you open the door and you know you're home.

7. It was when he told me he had set aside space for my stuff in his closet. That told me that he was comfortable sharing his space with me.

8. Valentines Day. I asked her if there was anything that she wanted to say or wanted to hear that wasn't being said. She said, "I love you". I said, "I love you more".

Bottom line, there is no one-size-fits-all length of time for someone to fall in love. For the rest of us, you can’t hurry love. Love takes time.